Monday, June 13, 2011

what i haven't learned in life so far, i might just learn from The Bachelorette

Tuesday, June 14, 2011
2 miles running (21:10) and 1 mile sprint jogs

I learned an important fact of life from one of those goobers that all look alike on this week's Bachelorette: there is no checklist for finding the person you want to love.

I am going to take that principle one step further. There may not be a checklist for what you're looking for, but there is a checklist for what the other person must accept about you. And right now might be as good a time as ever to work on mine.
  • I am a solitary person; I like to be alone. That doesn't mean that I don't get lonely or that I never want to enjoy someone else's company, it just means that I thrive from being independent.
  • I am a total bleeding heart. I have never chained myself to a tree or led a hunger strike, but maybe I will someday, and I need to accept that about myself.
  • I cry... a lot. It does not mean that I don't enjoy life. In fact, I enjoy it a lot. I am not afraid to show my emotions. I am a passionate person and I won't be ashamed anymore.

I spent the last few years convincing myself that there is something wrong with my eccentricities. That being excited and full of energy meant that I was manic and that because I wanted alone time then I feared intimacy or that I just didn't know what being in a real relationship meant. I kept trying to correct some damage to me that I really hope to find out just isn't there.

I'm sure more realizations will follow, but for now I will just say that I want to embrace these things about me, and I hope I someday find someone who will embrace, not just tolerate them, too. Because I want everything about me to be on someone else's "list" of desirable qualities for a partner, and before that can happen, they have to be on my life of desirable qualities about myself.

1 comment:

  1. appreciating your time alone is not a bad thing. it's how i recharge after a rough day- i take my book into the bedroom, close the door, and be by myself for awhile. Not because i'm damaged in some way, but because it's how i care for myself.