Today I added a line to the standard salutation that I write at the start of every entry: temperature. It was 90 degrees when I got back to my house tonight at almost 9 p.m. I feel like writing down the daily temperature might be a helpful ingredient in the narrative of my workout.
Anyway, today's entry is not another one that complains about the temperature. You're welcome.
My thoughts have been centered recently on my future plans. I'm almost a single woman now. I have my own apartment and a good job and now I have a dog, too. Now I wonder: what the heck am I going to do with my life. At one point, this thought was one that I thought with excitement, like, "I can do anything I want. I'm free!" Now it is more like "Oh my gosh I really have no direction. I have no plans. I am having a hard time committing to anything. What is the meaning of this life?"
First there is the question of my relationship status. (Before you aim for my shins per my previous request to kick me if I mention dating, hear me out). I am not talking about getting involved with anyone or dating or anything, but I would be lying if I said that I have not thought at all about what my life is going to look like whenever it comes to be that I actually, gulp, pursue another relationship.
Then there is my work and education. I have kicked around the idea of going back to school. I know that I really want to in order to advance my career, the question is really what degree I get. Masters in Architecture? Communication? Education? Higher Education? I even briefly considered massage therapy as an educational option. The only thing that all of these vocational threads have in common: their ability to illustrate how incredibly lost I am.
So we have my non-existent romantic life, then my completely directionless pursuit of post-graduate education. And finally, we have Levi. Levi is a year and a half old mutt I just adopted from a rescue shelter. He is super cute and fun to play with and a great little running buddy on short workouts. He also nips like a puppy (ouch), he gets really mad at me when I try to crate him during the day, and he jumps on my white couch even though I know he knows what "Levi! Off the couch!" means. All of that is tolerable and I am sure we are capable of growing through this adjustment period. What is not tolerable and pretty much out of my control is the fact that my eyes are watering, my nose is running, my ears are itching, and (this is a first even for my allergy prone self) I am breaking out in HIVES. So unsightly... and itchy.
The point of this entry, the thing I thought most about during those grueling 20 minutes in 90 degree heat after dark, is the fact that this life is kind of not in my control right now. I am considering a lot of different options, many of which I am clearly not ready for, and I may
need to listen to God, my good senses, and my histamines if/when I jump into something and I am not ready for it.