the beginning

I've never written a blog, but recently I have been compelled to do so. God may be trying to tell me something, and I am working hard to listen.

I'm trying so hard to listen because I feel as though I got out of the habit of doing so. I used to feel this intense connection to Jesus; I was so sure of His will for me and trusted Him so fully that however painful life got, I was always comforted by his immediate presence.

Sometime in the last year or two, I strayed from that path, and I am truly disconnected. It feels as though scar tissue formed between us, and I simply cannot feel His presence the way I used to.

Some might say that this is just part of growing up. I do not know whether those people are right or wrong. I guess that's why I'm writing this blog; there is no definitive answer, just me trying to work it all out.

I knew I wanted to name my first blog after something related to running, because running has been a huge part of my life since I was little. I ran track in high school, I've run 5k races in the six years since graduating from high school, and even trained to run a marathon during my last semester of college. I did not actually run the race, but that is a story for another day.

I have not been very active in the last year or so, and I know this is not good. Running, for me, is only a small percentage about physical fitness. Running has always been a mental game for me. How far can I go? How fast? What will I see while I run? What terrain is easy, medium, hard? What will I think about? What thoughts make me feel good? What thoughts make me feel tired?

So, starting now, I'm going to run. Pheidippides was the Athenian who ran 26.2 miles to announce victory (Nike) over Persia in the Battle of Marathon. Like Pheidippides, I have a goal in mind: to announce my victory over the paralyzing weight that will kill me if I don't do something about it.

I don't know if Pheidippides had any help along the way, but I know that I will need some. That is why this blog will not be solely about me, but about my relationships: God and friends and family that will (hopefully) cheer me on along the way.

So, there it all is. This is my journey, and I'm daring to do something that I never thought I would: lay it all out on the internet for the world to see... I hope along this journey I can find my salvation and a path to continue on as my life continues to change.

One final thought. Many people probably know that when Pheidippides announced the victory of the Greeks over the Persians, he collapsed and died from exhaustion. I'm planning to deviate from that part of the story. Just so we're clear... ;)