i feel like a runner.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

3 miles

28:41

So today's run went well. I didn't just survive, I actually pushed myself to speed up and thrive. I actually thought at one point "I feel like a runner tonight." That was big. I want to be able to start racing again and maybe even complete a half-marathon or a marathon. I was starting to think that maybe my body just was not going to be able to handle long distance running anymore, so this evening's run was a great reminder that I have the potential get my life back on track if I work hard enough.

For the last three and a half years I have used a training website called Map My Run to track my workouts. Tonight I felt brave enough to look back a few years to when I first starting running around Reid Park. I was running a full five minutes faster at my fastest, and that gives me hope and a little bit of pride that I have the potential to get that much faster. If tonight I felt like a runner, then I am so excited to know how I will feel when I truly get my runner's body back and truly reach those fast runs.

maybe i just needed a break...

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Today I did not run.

So let me back up. I work kind of a weird schedule. I sometimes start my work day at 7 a.m. and end at 7 p.m. because I try to work the majority of my hours each week on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Usually this is tiring, but manageable, mainly because I truly love my job. Today that was not the case.

I got home and laid down and did not get back up. I ate my dinner, curled up in bed, and the next couple of hours are kind of a sleepy haze. I did not really sleep, but I was not awake, either. I finally got out of bed at 10:30 and at that point it was a little late to run, even at my amazing, well-lit, Reid Park.

Even though I would have loved to run this evening, I consider the fact that I did not run to be a win. My last post was about impulse control, and my impulses are not limited to eating junk food. I have to say that I am really proud that I allowed myself to rest and that I did not make myself go running today.

I wish I had some poetic conclusion to this post, but all I can think of is this: celebrate the little things in life; we don't often give ourself a chance to see the positive side of things, and maybe it would help if we did.

love working out. love food more.

Monday, June 6, 2011

3 miles

33:42

So it is June (obviously) and I live in a city called Tucson located in the middle of the Sonoran Desert, where the average temperature lingers around 100 degrees during the month of June. During the summer months it becomes all but impossible to workout outside after 9 a.m. and before 8 p.m. Because the city of Tucson, full of workout savvy people, is aware of this fact, there is a lovely park called Reid Park with a lit path full of people walking, running, bicycling, and roller blading for those of us nocturnal beings that need to work out in the evenings. So for the past week or so, I've made my way over to Reid Park around 8 or 9 each night to go for an evening jog.

Now, I love this location, but one major problem is that as you are coming around the bend into the last half mile of the route, the path parallels Broadway Boulevard, which happens to have about five DELICIOUS smelling fast food restaurants along that half-mile stretch. Now I don't know what is was about tonight, but I got SO hungry when I hit that stretch (and yes, I ate dinner earlier, you know-it-all cynic) that I literally felt compelled so stop running. I obviously didn't have to stop running-- you can always push a little harder, right?-- but I truly felt to hungry that stopping felt like the only option. All I could think about was eating a delicious burger from In-and-Out.

After my run, I quickly drove over to In-and-Out Burger and ordered a burger, fries, and a chocolate shake. That last part was just plain indulgent. I felt so rotten for having binged like that, especially after I worked so hard burning calories on my run. Then I realized that a Bulimic person probably feels that way right before they make themselves vomit. And I hate vomiting.

So the lesson I learned this evening: self-indulgence does not need to be a punishable offense. It should probably be avoided, and it is not without its consequences, but seriously, I enjoyed that burger and I especially enjoyed that shake, so I am just not going to beat myself up about a slip-up in impulse control. I have a long list of mistakes that I am currently trying to reconcile, and a chocolate shake just is not going to make the list. At least not tonight.

Lesson learned. Hopefully... :)

When life give you lemons, you probably have to sit and think and be miserably thirsty for a long time before you can have lemonade

Today's entry is incredibly hard to write.

My life has been flipped over. Everything that I had planned for the rest of my life is changing, and I honestly do not know where to start picking up the pieces, so I decided to run.

I remember starting this Blog a year ago thinking that I could make my life be what I thought it should be. I would be someone who is figuring her life out. I would start this Blog and magically gain the motivation and preparation needed to make the changes and be the person that I wanted to be. I may not have been posting much for the last year, but I have been making self discoveries that have shown me that I couldn't have been that person that I hoped to be a year ago. I was trying too hard to make myself happy while ignoring a cancer in my life that grew and grew, putting more and more pressure on my attempts to have a healthy life.

I sit here now, not fully rid of that metaphorical cancer, and realize how damaged I am as a result of this struggle that until recently I had not been able to even acknowledge existed.

So now I write an entry entitled "When life give you lemons, you probably have to sit and think and be miserably thirsty for a long time before you can have lemonade," because that's what I feel the lesson might be, here. I'm angry, sad, lonely, feeling a little hopeless, and yet, I'm hopeful and almost certain that I'm going to be okay, even better someday. But it is going to take a long, long, long period of waiting, contemplating, and mental self torture to come out of this a better woman.

So while that torture commences, I thought it would be an excellent time to run....

Sunday, June 5, 2011

3 miles

30 minutes

s.m.a.r.t.

Today I turned 25. I have been wanting to write a blog about creating a goal to improve my running habits, and I think today, being the first day of my next year in life, is a good day to begin anew as I strive to rebuild my body and spirit through running.

First, something I need to say is that I love my birthday. I love my birthday to the point where it could be the best day of my year even if I did nothing special on my birthday. Just the fact that it is a special day for me is pretty much all I need. This year, my husband planned a surprise party, which made the birthday an even bigger and better success.

So I feel that having had such a wonderful day, and having completed my 25th year, it seems most appropriate to start the year with a new outlook and a new motivation.

All that being said, and seeing that this blog is all about running, I have decided to write a "s.m.a.r.t. goal" to keep myself on track.

A s.m.a.r.t. goal, for those of you who are not familiar with the acronym, is a goal that is Strategic, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Tangible. It is a goal that puts a specific measurement and time stamp on a plan. It is a model that shows a stronger correlation to achieving a goal than the more common, vague strategy that most people subconsciously use. My original goal that inspired this blog was not s.m.a.r.t. It was more of a fuzzy vision of what I thought might make me happy, but it certainly was not s.m.a.r.t.

So now, at the beginning of this next year of my life, I am writing down a s.m.a.r.t. goal for the world to see.

Okay..... I want to run 25 miles per week every week by May 2011.

Now, that goal alone is s.m.a.r.t., but it needs some steps and a plan to make it happen. My next blog will be dedicated to fleshing that out, and making sure that I write steps that take me closer to achieving that goal.

That's all for today. I hope being 25 will continue motivating me to be s.m.a.r.t. ;)

let's do this one more time...

January 29, 2011
3.0 miles
31:01

I am back. It has been over six months since my last post, and I am not going to begin this post with an explanation or justification for my inaction. I may choose to delve into the the deeper reasons why I have not blogged in the last six months at a later date, but right now, I just want to talk about a run.

I ran 3 miles this morning on one of my favorite Tucson routes, Reid Park. It is a wonderful mixture of one of Tucson's most beautiful parks and the high traffic roadways that surround the path. I must say that after a long hiatus from running, it was good to be back, especially at Reid Park.

To be perfectly honest, I started running again a couple of weeks ago, but I did not want to do anything close to recording it for fear of letting myself down somehow. I did not time myself, I did not even want anyone to know that I was running.

So here I am, blogging again about running. To be honest, I cannot think if I really have anything incredibly fresh or inspiring to say. I still love running. I still wish I could run faster and longer. I still wish I did it more often. It still makes me feel incredible. So I guess I will jsut leave today's post at that. I hope to have more to say soon. :)

re-connected

Sunday, July 25, 2010
2 miles
21 minutes

A whole month? Has it really been that long???

I know I've run between now and my last post, but I guess I wasn't feeling inspired enough to write anything.

Now I am inspired, though.

In my first post, I talked about God. I wrote about the separation that I felt, and that I wished desperately to listen to Him and feel his presence again. This last Sunday, all at once, I felt it.

I guess this narrative begins a few weeks back. Things started looking up for Germar and me. There are some job prospects on the horizon after months of uncertainty. Germar is excited to begin law school. And despite my lack of writing, I have been running frequently and feeling much healthier than I was feeling in June.

On Sunday, as I bowed my head in church to pray (although as I have previously stated, my connection with God did not feel very present) I felt overwhelmingly moved and tears sprung from my eyes. For the first time in more months than I care to recall, I felt the Holy Spirit inside of me. It was incredible; a mix between peace and joy and humility all at once. My heart is still so full from that feeling on Sunday morning.

The run was fairly uneventful. I was slow, but that's to be expected after taking a hiatus.

I hope to write more in the coming days about this reconnection, this kindling of faith that has sparked in my most needful hour. For now I will close with a simple "thanks." Thanks to Christ, for His mercy and grace in our lives. Thanks to family, thanks to friends.